Rejection
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A: What is the rejection?
B: Psychologists often describe rejection as what happens when you perceive that others donât value having social connections with you
A: Why does that happen?
B: This could occur when youâre abandoned by a romantic partner, excluded from a group, or outright discriminated against. But itâs worth noting that these interpersonal rejections have a social element that distinguishes them from not getting a job
A: How are they different?
B: In these experiences, you could see that the rejecting party undervalues your relationship. While the pain of rejection often increases, the more you value your relationship, even rejections by relative strangers can hurt your feelings
A: Thatâs weird. Why is that?
B: This might seem like an overreaction. But just as bodily pain warns you about perceived threats to your physical well-being, hurt feelings warn you about perceived threats to your social well-being
A: How can I process this intense emotional experience?
B: There is no correct way to process this emotion, but you can try asking yourself these questions when youâre feeling rejected
A: What are they?
B: The first thing to consider is your relationship with the person rejecting you. Is this someone who knows you well and whose opinion you hold dear? Or is it just a loose acquaintance? If itâs the latter, that might help you answer the second question
A: What should I ask?
B: Does this rejection really matter? It can sting when a stranger doesnât laugh at your joke, but it doesnât make sense to react strongly to a rejection with little impact on your life. Of course, brushing off even a minor rejection is easier said than done since how you perceive yourself also factors into this equation
A: What is its effect?
B: You likely feel more confident in some circumstances than others, and tend to be especially sensitive to rejection in situations where you have a low opinion of yourself. So much so, that they even become more likely to misinterpret other peopleâs neutral reactions as rejections. This is why it can be helpful to both reflect on your self-view and ask yourself if the other person is actually rejecting you
A: How can I know that?
B: This might seem like an odd question. But you may find that while the other person didnât treat you as you would have liked, they still value your relationship. In some cases, itâs also helpful to consider whether you were expecting more acceptance than was reasonable
A: What if after asking these questions, I might still conclude that a person close to me doesnât value my relationship as much as I do?
B: This is a painful realization, but it can help to remember two things. First, this rejection isnât just about you. The other party wants something different from your relationship, and what they want might be unreasonable, unfair, or simply not what you have to give
A: What is the second thing?
B: Their rejection isnât proof that thereâs something wrong with you. The pain youâre feeling is just part of the system, nudging you to think about your interpersonal relationship. By reflecting on your behavior, you can find clues to help better understand the rejection and think critically about the relationship you want to have with this person
A: Do we all experience rejection and feel the same?
B: Every relation and rejection is unique, but whatever the specifics, itâs important to remember youâre never alone in all of this. Everyone deals with rejection throughout their life, even those who seem confident in their belonging
A: Are there any ways to cope with this experience?
B: One of the common ways to cope with this universal experience is to reconnect with those who already accept you